DELIVERANCE IN THE DESERT

My dad taught me to drive in the Glade outside Farmington, New Mexico in an old 2^nd generation GMC Jimmy (K5 Blazer). The Jimmy was old enough that its body had once been made of steel before becoming mostly iron oxide held together by a burnt orange paint. It was lifted to fit large 30 inch wheels, and my uncle had outfitted it with a 450 block engine. It was loud, and had tons of power, and set off car alarms just by driving though a parking lot. We called it “The Beast”, and rightly so. To top it off, my father had learned to drive in the mountains of Colorado, and honed his skills in the army. He was fearless, and could do things in the Beast I’ve never seen duplicated in any other vehicle.

Not the Beast, or the desert, but you get the idea

My first truck was a 1980 Toyota four banger pickup with four on the floor, and no power steering. It was orange, with bucket seats, tan interior, and sported a pretty dent in the steel truck bed between the cab and wheel well. I also learned to drive this truck in the New Mexico back roads.

The roads in the Glade were at one time 100% unmaintained dirt roads, carved through a forest of pinion trees, sage brush, and weeds that never turn green by teenagers looking for a party, and gun aficionados target practicing on metal signs, beer cans, and the occasional jack rabbit. The roads were full of pot holes, ruts, and washes. If you didn’t know how to drive on these roads you could find yourself stuck in a rut, or a wash, or high centered on a chunk of sandstone.

One of the many dirt roads found in the Glade

This is where my story begins. I was driving my little beater truck, and trying to impress my girlfriend by showing her my mad driving skillz on the back roads. About 2 miles out, I drove through a wide wash. I did everything my dad had taught me about going through a wash. I kept my steering wheel steady, and kept at a steady, yet swift speed. However, there was no way my four banger was going to get through that wash. So, my truck stopped moving about half way through. I did what I could to get traction, but there was no hope for my little truck, so we had to walk. If I’d done this about 5 years later I could have used a cell phone to call for help. Instead, we started walking back to town.

We probably walked just over a mile back when a Ford F250 came upon us. He drove us back to the sight of my failed pride, tied up a tow rope, and easily hauled my truck out of the wash. We were saved!

In tonight’s Priesthood session, Elder Uchtdorf talked about Jesus’ apostles being told at the last supper that one of them would betray him. Each one in turn asked, “Lord, is it I?” Instead of turning on each other, they turned inward, and reflected on the intentions of their own hearts. Later in the talk, Elder Uchtdorf tells us that asking this question with humility can help us to grow. For when we ask the Lord to show us our weaknesses, with the intent to fix those weaknesses, the Lord can help us to overcome, and grow into better people.

The Glade's main road

“Is it I?” I ask this very question quite often, but instead of addressing the Lord, I toss my inquiry into the ether. Most often the adversary answers me with a loud yes, and then he proceeds to tell me all the things I do, or ever did wrong. He has, on many occasions, thrown me into a deep depression, in which doubt fills my soul. He tells me that I’ve run myself into a deep wash, and there’s no way I’m ever getting out. I should just give up, and accept life stuck in the wash.

In the Book of Ether, the Prophet Ether relays the Lord's message to us, “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27) Jesus says, “come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

If we don’t include the Lord when we ask “Is it I?” we will learn our weaknesses, but not in a way that encourages repentance. We will try to save ourselves for a little while before giving up, because we don't have the strength or tools ourselves. Instead, we need to address our question to the Lord, "Lord, is it I?", so that he can bring in his heavy duty F250 with a towing wench and haul us out of danger, so we can get some rest from the desert heat. 

A Novel Idea

I have noticed, in American, possibly world culture, the novelization of our people. Not the writing of our lives into novels, but living our lives as if we were in a novel. The basics of a  novel are:


· A problem that needs to be solved

· A protagonist to solve the problem

· An antagonist to oppose the protagonist

· A theme, or structure (mystery, action, romance, etc) to how the problem will be solved

· And a plot, or the actual steps and progressions the protagonist takes to solve the problem, or the antagonist takes to thwart the protagonist

(Please accept my apology for ruining every book/movie you ever attempt reading/watching again.)

THE PROTAGONIST

In a novel (or movie) everything happens to, for, or because of the protagonist. Every event furthers his cause. Every struggle leads her closer to the book's climatic apex. When coincidence favors the hero we cheer on her cause! When bad things happen, it’s a travesty, and somebody must pay! VOLDEMORT DID THIS! We yell as we keep ourselves from hurling the book across the room. We cry for him or her when tragedy strikes his friends, families, and classmates. "Somebody must pay." we loathely mutter under our breath.



THE BOOK OF LIFE


What does the book of life say about you? Are you the protagonist; the antagonist? A supporting character? A minor character?


NONE OF THE ABOVE!!


No, this is the book of life. There are no protagonists or antagonists. There are no supporting characters, nor minor characters. We are not ranked by our importance, or casted role. We are people. People are good and bad; we are each a mix of good and evil. We are all special, and all important, but none of us is more special, or important than another. "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." (D&C 18:10) and "...God is no respecter of persons." (Acts 10:34)


PERCEPTION


When we see ourselves as protagonists in the book of life, then everything that happens, happens to, for or because of us. Why did Nancy in accounting lose her job? To create an opening for you, of course! Why did you get into that nearly fatal accident? Because you have an important lesson to learn. Why were you diagnosed with cancer? Because God singled you out and wants you to grow from the experience.


Bullhonky! All of it!


Bad things don’t happen TO us. Good things don’t happen FOR us. Good things happen and bad things happen. "He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the evil, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." (Matt 5:45) God does not esteem one flesh above another because one is more righteous than the other. (1 Nephi 17:35)


The novelization of our lives has created a perception in us that we are all protagonists. As protagonists we are entitled, yes, ENTITLED to good things. As the protagonist, the author of the Book of Life breaks his contract when he makes us suffer! He cannot be the kind and loving author we always thought he was if he makes our lives unbearable, can he?


When we look at life from a broader perspective, when we see that our story is the story of everyday life, we begin to see that God hasn’t singled us out for greatness or damnation. We begin to see that the pages of the book of life are full of everyday things, and those things are beautiful. The greatness is up to us.


DETERMINATION


Where our story leads depends entirely upon us. Despite our burdens, despite our pain, despite our insecurities, it is up to us to move. It is my faith that God does not give us trials, but that trials come as a part of our mortal existence, and our test is how we handle those trials.


Heavenly Father is very aware of our burdens, but our burdens do not define his love for us.

The greatest novel ever written won’t be the man who the saves the world from a tyrant. The greatest novel ever written IS the novel of every person who rises from their slumber, and with faith, hope and charity determines to make today better than yesterday and lives with faith that tomorrow will be better for the things done today.


So your challenge then is to rise up, take hold of your burden and with faith, find the determination to carry your burden. It is not the legacy of the Saints of God to fall slack when the journey lengthens, the oxbows break, the rations run low, and death takes our loved ones. No, it is our legacy to stand tall, and determine that our journey is not over. You woke today with the breath of life in your nostrils. You still have that breath now. God still has need of you. Do not burden yourself with the entitlement of this generation.


THE ATONEMENT


The more I study it, the more I learn that the Atonement is not just about death, resurrection and eternal life. The atonement is about healing. It is about helping us cope with this mortal life. It is about bringing peace to our souls, whatever our burdens. Heavenly Father is very aware of our burdens, but our burdens do not define his love for us. Jesus asks us to take his yoke up with him, or rather he offers us to make a covenant with him, that if we carry the burden of caring for his people, he will carry the burden of our grief, sin, and heartache. He will heal us, and teach us happiness. (Matthew 11:28-30)


Thanks to Henry Bingham for his help in preparing this article 

My Conversion Story

Disclaimer: Normally, I don't get all too personal on my blog. I have an aversion to feelings in general. Feelings are often uncomfortable, painful, and most disagreeable to the lacrimal glands, so I avoid them, much like rational people avoid asphyxiation, rattlesnakes, poisonous spiders, bears, dark alleys, and canned peas. So, consider this a special occasion, if you will.

Canned Pea Monster

MY CONVERSION

I remember my own baptism well. The date was October 19, 1997. I was living in the small town of Farmington, New Mexico. I was 19 at the time. My father, in the midst of a difficult battle with hepatitis C, had committed suicide just over a year earlier. My family took it hard. Our lives had been turned upside down.

In search for answers I chose a comfortable set of beliefs. I chose to believe that when my father died he just stopped existing. He would never return. I would never have to see him again, and he could never hurt me again. (See the disclaimer). So, death was ultimate, unimaginable nothingness. There was no hope, no misery. No pain, no relief. The absence of being, the absence of consciousnesses. Nothing.

Through a train of influences and conversations I found myself talking with Elder Orr from small town Idaho, and his odd, violin playing, trunky companion. Over the next two weeks I would read from 1 Nephi through 3/4 of Alma, and the books of 3 Nephi, 4 Nephi, and Moroni. (I read the rest later) The Spirit was strong with me at that time, enough to throw out all doubt that anything else could be true. It was truly amazing.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had the answer to every significant question I had about life, death, and deity. There was no question I couldn't answer by searching for it in the scriptures. One of those questions was answered in Alma 40:11. This scripture told me what happened to us after death. My Father, the unbeliever, the monster, dad, had been "taken home to that God who gave [him] life." 

Not since my father died had I experienced such strong emotions about his death. I cried as I read, and reread this verse. All of a sudden the death that released me from my own personal h*ll became the death that released my father from his own personal captivity. I could see Heavenly Father pulling my Earthly father in with a warm embrace. There was joy. There were tears (as much as a spirit can shed tears). There was no more unbelief. 

Heavenly Father would then have a frank conversation with him. He would show appreciation for his honest heart, and attempts to help those who couldn't help themselves. He would chastise him for his errors, and counsel with him on the work he needed to do. My Father would then get to work on his own repentance. The sweet out-weighed the bitter for the first time in at least 12 years.

My father in the army in the early 70s.
"And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers"
Malachi 4:6

So, two weeks after my first meeting, Elder Orr stood next to me, held my arms, said those magic words, and baptized me. I died. Then I was pulled out of the water, my old self gone. A new man rose from that warm, watery grave. A man of doubt, unbelief, and contention was buried, and a man of hope, love, and belief was given new life. An animal took it's last breath, and seconds later, a child of God took it's first. Like a newborn babe, my eyes were set to wonder. Life had taken on new meaning. Even the smallest, most mundane activity was in similitude of Christ's life, death, or resurrection. My life had new meaning. It was no longer about my Earthly success, but it was also about my spiritual success.

A year and a half I would return Elder Orr's favor and serve in the Idaho, Pocatello mission.

In two weeks my life was changed forever, quite literally, forever.

EQ Pre-Lesson: Joseph Fielding Smith Chapter 9: Witnesses of the Book of Mormon

Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith

Chapter 9: Witnesses of the Book of Mormon

This week we are discussing Chapter 9 of the Joseph Fielding Smith Manual. Instead of going over the lesson as a whole in this blog, I'm going to cover a few vital points.

What is truth?

"All truth is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also, otherwise there is no existence." (D&C 93:30)

Some would say that there are two types of truth, spiritual truths, and temporal (or scientific) truths. However, truth is all in one. Truth exists without bias. One truth does not put itself above another. Truth IS; no more, no less. Interpretation and application is what gives order and meaning to truth. Deciphering the truth, it's importance, and meaning is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. 

The gospel is true. It contains many truths. It is up to each of us to discover the truth(s) of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of the Book of Mormon. Just as scientists dedicate their lives to discovering the universe, and all things in it, we dedicate ourselves to discovering God, and all his teachings. We begin this process by following Moroni's promise, "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost." (Moroni 10:4) This is just a beginning though. We can't do do this once, and expect to be enlightened for life. We have to go through this same process over and over throughout our lives.

So, after having found the Book of Mormon to pass the test of truth, it is then our duty to determine it’s value. As I said before, the order and importance of truth is irrelevant without interpretation and application. So, how important is the Book of Mormon to you? Has it changed you? “Have ye been spiritually born of God?... Have ye experienced this mighty change of heart?” (Alma 5:14) These aren’t questions anybody can answer, except for you. Ponder the change the Book of Mormon has brought about in you. The greater the change, the more you should consider its importance.

"Do eternal consequences rest upon our response to this book?
Yes, either to our blessing or our condemnation"
- President Ezra Taft Benson -

STANDING AS A WITNESSES

That's a peculiar phrase isn't it? It's strong. It's powerful. It doesn't inspire movement. Wait, what? Standing as a witness inspires us to stand. This isn't about taking the gospel to the world. This is about standing firm. This is about holding firm to the Iron Rod when the scorn from the great and spacious building gets personal. This is about standing strong in your testimony in the face of temptation, persecution, false doctrine, harassment, ridicule, or provocation. This is about being firm and immovable. Standing as a witness at all costs.

So, let's tie all of this together:

1. Discover the truth of the gospel. Not "your truth," but the unalterable truth that does not change based on your opinions, how you feel, or who you're trying to impress.
2. Evaluate the importance of the truth you have discovered. What does it mean to you? Is it something  you need to protect, and keep for your own, or something you want to share with others?
3. Stand as a witness. Be firm, and immovable.

Homework:
Read the lesson
Evaluate areas of your life where you struggle to stand as a witness of the Book of Mormon, and the restored gospel.
Strengthen your testimony in those areas so that you may stand firm, and immovable as a witness of the Book of Mormon, Christ, and his restored gospel.

Elders Quorum Pre-Lesson: Faith and Repentance 3/9/14

Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith

Chapter 5: Faith and Repentance

This week's Elder's Quorum lesson is on faith and repentance. I appreciate this lesson because faith and repentance are two things we can all benefit from understanding better.

I want to preface my comments by saying that repentance is more complicated than it looks. Sure, it's easy to say, "stop that!" But it's not always easy to "stop that." Anyone who's ever truly repented of serious sin knows it's not easy. Repentance involves tough emotions, faith, hope, willingness, vulnerability, humility, and a number of other "things", for lack of a more creative word. So, as you read, examine your own emotions, faith, hope, and willingness.

Faith

I love that we are studying faith and repentance together for this lesson. Why? Because faith gives us reason to repent. Paul of Tarsus truly stated, "If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable." (1Corinthians 15:19) Look at all the commandments we have in the church: Don't drink, don't smoke, don't drink coffee, keep the Law of Chastity. If we didn't have faith, then what reason would we have to do any of these things. Heck, we'd be missing out on the party!

But the truth is, we have reason to keep God's commandments. We have faith that if we keep God's commandments we will be blessed in this life, as well as the next.

Faith 2.0

Faith isn't only about being blessed for our efforts. Faith is also about having trust in the atoning power of Jesus Christ. Christ's power isn't only the power to forgive, it is the power to teach, and heal us. We learn from Alma 7 11:13:

1. He suffered pains, afflictions, and temptations so that he could understand us in our trials, and afflictions.
2, He takes our punishment upon himself that we don't have to do it ourselves. (See also D&C 19:16-17)
3. He took upon himself death so that he could loose the bands of death
4. He took upon him our infirmities so that he could have mercy, and know how to succor us according to the flesh
5. He took upon him our sins so that he could blot them out, and deliver us.

So, if we turn to Christ and rely on him, trust on him, and put our faith in him then he will help us in our efforts to repent. And if we have faith in Christ then we must also be thankful, and this piece is requisite to faith. Being thankful means that we appreciate his hand in our repentance, appreciate his willingness to forgive us our sins, and recognize his power to change our hearts. (Read D&C 59:21)

Repentance

The Dictionary.com entry for repentance reads:

Repentance
noun
1. deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2. regret for any past action.

Sometimes repentance, thanks to those complicated emotions mentioned earlier, can have a bad connotation. If you have need of repentance then you've sinned, if you've sinned then maybe you're not as good a person as you pretend to be, and have to fix yourself. So the call to repentance becomes an insult of sorts, because the sinner is a bad, and broken person. That is not a welcome feeling. If you doubt me, then look into your heart and think how you felt last you were called to repentance.

When I was younger I used to feel this way. I also had some serious iniquities to repent of, and didn't know how to repent of them. I would ask how to repent. The simple definitions just weren't enough. So, I prayed, and studied.

At first I asked, "What would Jesus do?", and God responded, "He wouldn't get himself into this situation!" That didn't help much at the time, but over the years I've thought on that answer as I've studied, pondered, and prayed. I've since created for myself a different definition of repentance that is simpler, less intimidating, more powerful, and wider in scope.

Repentance:
noun
1. The act of becoming more like Christ
2. The lifelong pursuit of becoming a Christ like person

Ponder that for a moment...

I prefer this definition because it means that repentance isn't just a stop gap measure for when we screw up. Repentance is a way of life, a way of improving our selves all the time, every day. It means that we never stop repenting, we are never done, and we never give up. If we are always repenting, then we are always becoming men of Christ.

Repentance makes bad men good, good men better, and better men great. If we have an eye toward Christ, and the spirit of repentance always in our hearts then we will one day find that we are that man of Christ we've been striving to become. We will be as Captain Moroni, and shake the powers of hell forever (Alma 48:17)

Homework: (Ponder and pray)

Read: Teachings of Presidents of the Church Joseph Fielding Smith Chapter 5.
Read: Ether 12:27 and ponder how you can apply this to repentance in your own life.

He's got your six

The oldest son of two of our cohort members was killed in combat yesterday (4/12/14) in Afghanistan. I didn't know their son but I'm being deeply affected by it because of BYU-I. The term "I've got your six" is a military term. Where 12 o'clock is straight ahead, 6 o'clock is directly behind you, so "I've got your six" is the military version of "I've got your back." We learned about this in our class 2 weeks ago when the soldier's father taught our lesson, and I asked him about his 6 pin, which he was wearing to support his son. No phrase has taken on more meaning for me than this phrase did tonight for me when our cohort stayed 20 minutes late discussing what we can do for them.

So, I wanted to incorporate this into my post. (Originally a post for school)

When God told Samuel to return to the Lamanites he knew it would be dangerous. However, God had his six. When Samuel was upon the wall "they cast stones at him upon the wall, and also many shot arrows at him as he stood upon the wall; but the Spirit of the Lord was with him, insomuch that they could not hit him, insomuch that they could not hit him with their stones neither with their arrows." Hel 16:2

I think this is true for all of us when we do the Lord's will. I remember being in the MTC in 1999. One of our instructors was teaching us something in the Book of Mormon to teach to investigators. Just as I was going to sarcastically ask if she could just come with us to do our teaching, I heard, in my mind, "Why would you need her when you have me?" I immediately shut my mouth, and have since pondered that statement over and over. I'm starting to think that means that God has our back, in whatever way we need it. Whether to help us teach, or to protect us from harm, he's there for us. We just have to have the courage to do his will.

This doesn't mean that we will not come to harm, but if we do, we will have other blessings at his hand, and if we perish in his service, then he's got our six in the next life.

Our God, Our Deliverer

Mosiah 25:16 "And he did exhort the people of Limhi and his brethren, all those that had been delivered out of bondage, that they should remember that it was the Lord that did deliver them."

Remember that it is the Lord that delivers us from bondage, and once you are delivered from bondage, do not forget that it was the Lord who delivered you. This is true for temporal bondage, as well as spiritual bondage. This isn't to say that we don't have our own part to do. We need not only faith; we need to work. Doing our part to free ourselves from bondage, whether through repentance, making debt payments, finding appropriate representation, etc., is requisite to God doing his part to free us.

The gospel is a gospel of work, of us learning, and growing. We don't grow from being bailed out every single time we're in trouble. If we were we'd all be spoiled rotten brats. Our Heavenly Father will supplement our efforts with his efforts. He will give us peace and help us to find and use the tools he has provided to set us free.

That being said, there are situations that some are not freed from. Some of those are consequences of our own actions, and some are from circumstances beyond our control. Others are the result of tyranny, such as during the holocaust, the Rwandan genocides, or any number of horrible things that happen in our world. In those situations the Lord can provide peace to the heart and mind, and he will punish those tyrants for their sins against the people. Many times the peace the comes for people in those extremes is an end to suffering. I really don't want to go further into that right now. These situations are too painful, and unimaginable for me to ponder too deeply.

For those in other anguish, such as depression, and abuse remember that the Lord is the one who can, and will deliver you. Be sure to do your part, which is using the tools provided us, i.e. medication, therapy, friends, spiritual leaders, legal authority, etc. It may be a hard road, but remain faithful and you will find peace.

Testimony and Conviction

Most apparent in the first chapters of 1 Nephi is the principle of testimony. 1 Nephi begins with Lehi’s vision, followed by Lehi calling his people to repentance. Without a testimony, Lehi’s vision would have meant very little to him. Though we think that if we had such an experience we would also have a testimony, Laman and Lemuel prove us wrong when the angel visits them outside the walls of Jerusalem. Despite seeing an angel, they continue to murmur, and do not gain a testimony of the gospel. Lehi, however, holds true to his testimony, even when his life is in danger. Nephi also gains a testimony, and does so by praying about his father’s experience to ask if it is true with faith that he will receive an answer.

Lehi testifies of the truth despite persecution. His life is in danger, and he sticks to his guns. I know that I don’t have that much conviction. I usually clam up when people talk badly about the church in fear of being singled out. However, that is not the Lord’s way. Even as a ward missionary I find it difficult to face the persecution.